When’s it MY TURN to be a “real housewife”?

If you resonate with any of these, this week’s video is for you:

• I’m so overwhelmed! When’s it MY turn t be taken care of?
• I’m full of anxiety! Why do I have to do everything myself?
• I’m What’s it going to take to get someone to take over taking care of everything?
• I’m so tired! When do I get a chance to relax?

I hear you and me too. I’ve had the same thoughts.

Let’s take15 minutes to get to the bottom of this so we can heal it for good.

In today’s video, I’m going to give you radical insight into your behavior.

And the first step to loving yourself is KNOWING yourself.

Please leave your comments. What did you notive about yourself?

Love,

Heidi

 

I was in Zumba class yesterday doing my normal thing, which is to get lost in the music, mouth the words in Spanish that I don’t speak, make random movements with my head and face that resemble a painful episode of toddlers and tiaras.

I caught myself in the mirror and I had a moment where I thought. “Man, I’m really weird.”

I then looked around for confirmation and sure enough, most of the rest of the 77 people in class were minding their polite Zumba business.

Doing the steps…normal facial expressions that matched the intensity of the moves.

This isn’t the first time I’ve looked around the room and heard “one of these kids is doing his own thing…”

Was it Sesame Street or the Electric Company.

It should be said. I’ve never been one to want t do things like anyone else. I do consider myself a bit of a rebel.

Ok sure, you can call it oppositional defiant. But that seems so “on purpose.” My weirdness seems more organic and les contrived.

Maybe you believe you’re different too. Maybe you have even wondered if “normal” was a thing.

IT IS.

There is a time when knowing “normal” is critical to your ability to have a happy life and that’s when it comes to relationships.

This is an area where you can’t afford to wonder.

Why?

Because, it’s one thing to wonder if you’re the only person in the seminar who definitely does not want to give your neighbor a massage, it’s another thing to wonder if the things you’re tolerating in your relationship are just par for the course.

How did you get confused?

Well, if you’re like most of the people I work with, you’ve come from a difficult background.  Now, I’ll leave that up to you to interpret.

But if you’ve witnessed “not so normal” behavior in relationships being passed off as just the way things are, likely, you’ve come to accept a certain level of F*ed- upness as “Fine. Just fine.”

And so, you went into your relationships tolerating some behavior that just isn’t “normal”.

Or what I like to call-Healthy.

So, here’s a short list I’ve created of “Not So Normal” relationship behaviors.

And if you see yourself or the one you love in this description, something needs to change. Because what you’ve been tolerating and settling for is causing you peace, sanity, fulfillment and true joy.

Now, not to worry, if you find you’ve been in the “not so normal zone” there is hope!

In the meantime here’s that Not So Normal list.

Side note: This list is based off of my Attachment Personality Pattern Methodology. If you want a deeper dive into these patterns, please apply to work together by requesting a complimentary consultation at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com

Also, this is by NO means a complete list. Of course, there are even more obvious signs that your relationship is unhealthy. If you are in an abusive relationship, please consider seeking help through the national abuse hotline www.thehotline.org

And now, the list of “NOT SO NORMAL RELATIONSHIP behaviors”…

1. Control issues.

You try and control the way others see, feel, and experience you. You try and convince others how to think, feel and believe in general.  Or, you’re being controlled by another attempting to do the same.  

2. Perfectionism

You’re not allowed to make mistakes and you have to have it all together all of the time. You have high to impossible expectations on yourself as well as those around you.

3. People Pleasing

It’s not okay to be you so you try and be whomever you need to be to gain approval, acceptance, or avoid problems. You say yes when you mean no. You go along with things even though you don’t want to so you won’t rock the boat.

4. Withholding

You want to be affectionate, loving, or display emotion, but you cannot. You hold yourself back from giving or being vulnerable due to trust issues.

5. Pretending

You’re NOT fine. But you pretend like everything is status quo. You likely self-medicate to tolerate the things you ignore. There’s an element of denial involved. You believe “it’s not that bad” though you know deep down, you’re drowning. You believe it will magically get better but it never does.

6. Clinging

You go ALL IN way to soon with the wrong people. You’re afraid that if you don’t seal the deal with constant attention, you’ll be forgotten or dismissed.  Space scares you. Things moving too slowly are excruciating.

7. Fixing

You have case loads instead of friends. You’re the rock, the one everyone comes to, but no one is ever there for you. You don’t know how to be in a relationship without being “needed.”

8. Victim Mentality

*To be clear, this is different that being a true victim. If you are in an abusive relationship, use the above resource for help.

 In this case, we’re using the term to describe an attitude of “it’s everyone else’s fault I’m in this situation. There’s nothing I can do.” It’s a belief that you are not in control of your choices and your life and that you could be happy if only others would change.

So what now?

If you’ve resonated with any of these “not so normal behavior patterns”, then you’re a great candidate for change because there is a solution!!!

I used to do many of these behaviors myself. Until one day, it all came to a head in my mid thirties.

I woke up alone, heartbroken, childless and hangover. And I thought, “There has to be a better way!”

That’s when I got busy making the health of my relationships a priority.

Because here’s the truth, you can have everything else. But if you have a relationship that’s causing you anxiety, depression, confusion or resentment, you’ll ask yourself “What’s the point?”

I believe I have the solution you’ve been looking for all along. And it’s not your typical relationship advice because, that’s not going to work for you or for me.

Remember? We’re different. It’s true. And you require a different approach. I have that radical NEW approach.

So, join me over www.LoveCoachHeidi.com and let’s talk.

 

It’s a noble pursuit! Wanting to change the world, reach millions of people, and help as many as you can by achieving your goals.

But what’s the price you pay?

If you’re like me, it was relationships.

In today’s #rulerebellion, we’re talking about the rule, “I can’t have fun when there’s still work to be done.”

It also shows up as, “I’ll enjoy my life once I get there”

And “I’ll worry about my relationships after I arrive.”

It looks like having it all and feeling totally empty inside.

The truth is, you can have everything else, but if you have a relationship that’s causing you anxiety, sadness, confusion, rage or resentment, you’ll wonder “what’s the point?’

I’m Heidi and I help high achievers, like you, resolve your relationship issues. And in today’s video, were talking about how to rebel against this unconscious rule that you have to choose.

Enjoy the video and please leave a comment.

Until next time,

Know Your Self

So you can Be Your Self

So you can Love Your Self.

Heidi

Julie locked the bedroom door, flung herself on the bed and landed face first into the pillow. In between sobs, she could still hear them laughing and chattering in the living room.

“Jesus!” She thought to herself 15 minutes later. “Listen to them still carrying on like nothing!”

She was especially furious with her partner who didn’t even bother to check on her. She had been feeling miserable, disregarded, neglected and empty for weeks.

This was a familiar scenario for Julie. Since she was a little girl she remembered crying behind doors waiting for someone, anyone to ask “what’s wrong?’

Julie wasn’t okay. But that wasn’t the problem. The real issue was Julie constantly wanted people who were emotionally unavailable and self absorbed to recognize her pain.

Some women fantasize about lavish, tropical well planned anniversary gifts, but Julie just wanted someone who could tell when she was crying.

By the time she became a client, she as on the verge of breaking up. In her mind, Rick was totally capable of loving her the way she wanted him to.

But instead of being kind, considerate and caring, he was checked out, uninterested and detached.

She was wanted me to “fix him”, turning him into the man she knew he could be.

The assumption Julie made was that Rick was broken.

I wanted to see if this was true. So, once we started working together, I learned about Rick.

It turned out he was always this way.

When they first started dating, he told her about his ex who was as he put it, “a basket case.” But when I probed, we learned he was overwhelmed by her desire to “talk about stuff all the time.” And that he was especially annoyed when “she got emotional.”

In fact, the more we talked about Rick, the more we learned that he wasn’t broken at all. He was functioning perfectly.

I explained it like this. In nature, there are locusts and there are butterflies. Locusts destroy and butterflies pollinate.

There are partners and there are Ricks.

And thought we may see potential in Rick to be a partner at the end of the day, he’s still a Rick.

In fact, the longer we worked together, the more we discovered it wasn’t even about Rick.

Julie had a lifetime of “Ricks”

Our work together was about uncovering the root issue of feeling like no one cares.

It started with her parents. She just wanted her dad to be able to see how much her mom was struggling. But her dad left for work often, and her mom would spend days in her bedroom behind a locked door, leaving Julie to fend for herself and take care of her siblings.

Julie was angry at her dad. She thought if he could have seen what was going on with her mom; the whole family wouldn’t have had to suffer so much.

As we moved though coaching, Julie took an empowered position and could see that her mom had more choices. That she could have reached out for help, sought counseling, etc.

Julie realized that her father was uncomfortable with emotion and confrontation.  She could see how he believed that by leaving to provide for the family, he was helping the best way he knew how.

And she agreed that everyone could have done better had they known better.

Julie was learning that she was reenacting her childhood drama as a lame attempt to “fix it.”

And once we made significant headway, she healed. Then she was able to attract a partner who saw her.

Not just because she was better at spotting locusts and butterflies, but because she was owned and acknowledged her own feelings instead of waiting to be rescued behind closed doors.

How about you?

What could happen if you were willing to take an empowered position and seek the support you need?

What if you got to the root of your issues?

I’m Heidi and my super power is clarity. I provide radical insight into your relationship issues. With my expert guidance, my clients are able to transform their lives from the inside out.

I’m waiting for you over at www.LoveCoachHeidil.com

Until then,

Know Your Self

So you can BE Your Self

So you can Love Your Self.