Here’s the truth. You can have everything else. But if you have a relationship that’s causing you anxiety, resentment, confusion or pain, then you’ll ask yourself, “What’s the point?”

I ‘m here to help you get the clarity you need to take your power back and have the relationships you deserve.

I do that by helping you root down in your value, find and speak your truth and never settle again.

Do you know the #1 reason most people stay in an unhealthy, dysfunctional or toxic relationship?

They don’t know they’re in one. They simply think of it as “complicated”.

The problem with that is you can’t fix what you don’t see.

Below are 8 types of toxic people. Take a look to see if you have a relationship with someone who fits one of these patterns.

Or just skip to the video below!

1. The covert hater. This is someone who competes with you. They can never truly be happy for you and find a way to minimize you. They are jealous and insecure and have difficulty celebrating your success. The will often find ways to be passive aggressive. You leave their presence, scratching your head, wondering if they like you.
2. The Controller. This person attempts to convince you how to think, feel or behave. They are judgmental. When you’re with them, you feel like you need to be who they expect you to be and as though you cannot be fully yourself.
3. The Taker. This person depletes you. They are needy and violate your boundaries. When you’re with them, you feel drained. It’s a one sided relationship. You give, they take.
4. The Withholder. You wonder how this person feels about you. They are inconsistent. They withhold affection, attention time, approval and intimacy. They do not share their feelings, thoughts or ideas with you. You feel as though they have walls and you attempt to break them down.
5. The Gamer. This person plays games with you. You feel manipulated. You feel as though you are winning or losing when you engage with them.
6. The Liar. You do not get the truth from this person. They lie about most things, big and little. You have no trust.
7. The Enabler. You feel lost without this person. They aim to have you totally dependent on them. You have lost your sense of independence.
8. The Flaker. They go MIA. They abandon, ghost, or otherwise reject you.

Of course, there are so many more toxic and dysfunctional relationship patterns, and in the work I do with my clients and students, we uncover and discuss them.

But for now if you recognize any of these patters, the next step is to register for my free master class where I’ll be teaching what to do about it.

You can sign up to learn:

• How to recognize unhealthy relationships.
• The exact steps to take to fix these dysfunctional patterns.
• How to get off the fence about your relationships
• How to alleviate feelings of anxiety, guilt, and resentment.
• How to fix your relationships with my 3 Master Steps

Join now to secure your spot! You can sign up oon the home or about page.

Love yourself!

Heidi

The truth is, most people stay in an unhealthy, dysfunctional, or toxic relationship becasue they don’t know they’re in one.

But likely, if you’re here, you do! So, what’s next?

How do you detach from an unhealthy person?

This conversation is geared towards those who have complex attachments. 

If you are a mother with an addicted child or an adult child with a narcissitic paretn, this video will particularly help you.

However, if you’re in a situation that doesn’t incolve a family memeber, this video will also help you.

Mostly, detachment is hard becasue we make some common mistakes.

1. We don’t see the person clearly.

2.We don’t observe their behavior without internalizing it

3. We don’t know why we stay.

In the video, I cover all three of these mistakes.

As always, if you’re ready to get some more suport, feel free to reach out.

Love Yourself,

Heidi

You have the best intentions. You just want to know how to help someone be the best they can be.

Being a “fixer” in your relationships manifests many ways.

• It can be wanting someone to realize their full potential.
• It can be trying to rescue someone from the pain of their own depression and anxiety.
• Or it can be trying to save someone from an addiction or unhealthy behavior.

Yes. Your intentions are pure! You simply want the best.

But the result is often far less inspiring.

Usually, people don’t take your advice, and that leaves you resentful, frustrated, angry and confused.

In this video. I expalin what to do about all of that. 

Please leave a comment and be sure to subscribe. And as always, if you want more help, send me a message.

I’ve spent my life perusing my freedom.

First, I broke free from an abusive and dysfunctional childhood where I was left with feelings of worthlessness and pain

Second, I broke free from the self inflicted self-destructive behavior of self medicating my pain away through binging on alcohol and food.

Then I broke free from the limiting beliefs that I needed others approval, love, and acceptance to be ME.

Since then, I’ve perused a life of happiness on my own terms.

And I’ve helped thousands of others find their own personal freedom.

But do you want to know the shocking truth?

Most people will never get free because they don’t know they’re in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship.

So, I decided to make a quick video explaining the cycle of abuse.

Please leave a comment if you can relate.

And as always, check out the services we offer to help you over at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com

When you’re afraid to feel your feelings…

This may sound silly at first. Who the Hell is afraid of their own emotions?

Well, here’s what I know for sure.

There are feelings you ALLOW yourself to feel and feelings you will avoid feeling at all costs.

I know this to be true form my own life, but it became even more apparent when I was a teacher at one of the world’s leading drug and alcohol treatment centers.

There, I wondered, why is it that we seek to be NUMB?

And what feelings are the scariest for us to feel?

I was afraid of my anger.

I thought that if I allowed myself to fully feel it, it would consume me.

I pictured myself a ball of rage, setting fire to innocent bystanders.

 I thought if I unleashed the sleeping dragon, I would eat everyone alive.

I had good reason to feel this way because I was full of repressed anger.

I’d been people pleasing for so long that I forgot how to speak my truth.

Many clients have told me over the years that anger is easier for them to feel. In fact, their go to emotion is anger. What they won’t allow is sadness.

Many have said that if they allow their sadness, they’d be afraid it would turn into a whirling tornado of quick sand, sucking the life out of them, drowning them in sorrow.

Maybe it’s not that dramatic.

Maybe you’re just a base line FINE. You don’t allow any real emotion to get too out of hand. You feel feelings, but live in sort of a glazed over denial that things are better than they are.

 If you looked at your life for real, you’d have to make change.  And rocking the boat seems too big a risk to take.

Here’s what I know now.

Just because you’re afraid to feel your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

In other words…you aren’t avoiding anything. You’re just making it worse.

It’s like a cancer you deny.

It festers.

It grows like a mushroom in the dark, covered in bullshit.

I remember when I decided to go alcohol free.

 I had a very hard time with allowing my feelings. However, it was if I couldn’t contain them.  They poured out of me at the most inopportune times.

I was embarrassed by my own tears and ashamed of my vulnerability.

And I could have done what our society values. I could have just continued to “suck it up”, or I could have “put my big girl panties on”.

But that’s not what happens. When we do that, what naturally follows is we over medicate. We end up binging on alcohol or food. We spend money we don’t have or we sleep too much.

We find ways to mitigate the feelings we refuse to feel in a lame attempt to shut them up. We drown them, stuff them down and buy them things.

There has to be a better way.

 I decided to investigate where that skewed thinking developed in. In my work, I discovered the root of this behavior, which is generational for sure.  And I ripped it up!

I can give you tips on how to manage your emotions. In fact, my husband is a master teacher of state management. And he has a program designed to help you develop your inner warrior.

But for the rest of us who have been in battle our entire lives and wish to take off our armor, may I suggest these 3 steps.

1. It’s time to GET QUIET and GET STILL. The next time you start to feel a feeling that seems uncomfortable for you I want you to stop in your tracks. Sit still. BE.
2. GET CURIOUS. Next I want you to ask the feeling some questions. Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Can it talk? What does it make you think about? Is it trying to tell you something?
3. GET COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE. This feeling may be offering you thoughts you don’t wish to be thinking. It may be asking you to examine something unresolved. Can you remember what you were thinking right before the feeling? How did it feel to allow the emotion? What did you learn about yourself as a result of being willing to sit in the feeling? Does it want you to make a change or acknowledge something?

I want you to know that your feelings are you GPS. They are divine messengers of repressed desires and needs that are waiting to be witnessed.

The more you allow your feelings, the more adept you’ll become.  You’ll notice what needs to change in your life.

In the meantime, if you are feeling repeated emotions in a relationship such as confusion, resentment, sadness or pain, it’s time to start getting the tools to break free.

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass where we’ll uncover how to do just that!

You can find the link on the homepage.

Watch the video below for an explanation of the pretendiing personality pattern.