You have the best intentions. You just want to know how to help someone be the best they can be.

Being a “fixer” in your relationships manifests many ways.

• It can be wanting someone to realize their full potential.
• It can be trying to rescue someone from the pain of their own depression and anxiety.
• Or it can be trying to save someone from an addiction or unhealthy behavior.

Yes. Your intentions are pure! You simply want the best.

But the result is often far less inspiring.

Usually, people don’t take your advice, and that leaves you resentful, frustrated, angry and confused.

In this video. I expalin what to do about all of that. 

Please leave a comment and be sure to subscribe. And as always, if you want more help, send me a message.

I’ve spent my life perusing my freedom.

First, I broke free from an abusive and dysfunctional childhood where I was left with feelings of worthlessness and pain

Second, I broke free from the self inflicted self-destructive behavior of self medicating my pain away through binging on alcohol and food.

Then I broke free from the limiting beliefs that I needed others approval, love, and acceptance to be ME.

Since then, I’ve perused a life of happiness on my own terms.

And I’ve helped thousands of others find their own personal freedom.

But do you want to know the shocking truth?

Most people will never get free because they don’t know they’re in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship.

So, I decided to make a quick video explaining the cycle of abuse.

Please leave a comment if you can relate.

And as always, check out the services we offer to help you over at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com

When you’re afraid to feel your feelings…

This may sound silly at first. Who the Hell is afraid of their own emotions?

Well, here’s what I know for sure.

There are feelings you ALLOW yourself to feel and feelings you will avoid feeling at all costs.

I know this to be true form my own life, but it became even more apparent when I was a teacher at one of the world’s leading drug and alcohol treatment centers.

There, I wondered, why is it that we seek to be NUMB?

And what feelings are the scariest for us to feel?

I was afraid of my anger.

I thought that if I allowed myself to fully feel it, it would consume me.

I pictured myself a ball of rage, setting fire to innocent bystanders.

 I thought if I unleashed the sleeping dragon, I would eat everyone alive.

I had good reason to feel this way because I was full of repressed anger.

I’d been people pleasing for so long that I forgot how to speak my truth.

Many clients have told me over the years that anger is easier for them to feel. In fact, their go to emotion is anger. What they won’t allow is sadness.

Many have said that if they allow their sadness, they’d be afraid it would turn into a whirling tornado of quick sand, sucking the life out of them, drowning them in sorrow.

Maybe it’s not that dramatic.

Maybe you’re just a base line FINE. You don’t allow any real emotion to get too out of hand. You feel feelings, but live in sort of a glazed over denial that things are better than they are.

 If you looked at your life for real, you’d have to make change.  And rocking the boat seems too big a risk to take.

Here’s what I know now.

Just because you’re afraid to feel your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

In other words…you aren’t avoiding anything. You’re just making it worse.

It’s like a cancer you deny.

It festers.

It grows like a mushroom in the dark, covered in bullshit.

I remember when I decided to go alcohol free.

 I had a very hard time with allowing my feelings. However, it was if I couldn’t contain them.  They poured out of me at the most inopportune times.

I was embarrassed by my own tears and ashamed of my vulnerability.

And I could have done what our society values. I could have just continued to “suck it up”, or I could have “put my big girl panties on”.

But that’s not what happens. When we do that, what naturally follows is we over medicate. We end up binging on alcohol or food. We spend money we don’t have or we sleep too much.

We find ways to mitigate the feelings we refuse to feel in a lame attempt to shut them up. We drown them, stuff them down and buy them things.

There has to be a better way.

 I decided to investigate where that skewed thinking developed in. In my work, I discovered the root of this behavior, which is generational for sure.  And I ripped it up!

I can give you tips on how to manage your emotions. In fact, my husband is a master teacher of state management. And he has a program designed to help you develop your inner warrior.

But for the rest of us who have been in battle our entire lives and wish to take off our armor, may I suggest these 3 steps.

1. It’s time to GET QUIET and GET STILL. The next time you start to feel a feeling that seems uncomfortable for you I want you to stop in your tracks. Sit still. BE.
2. GET CURIOUS. Next I want you to ask the feeling some questions. Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Can it talk? What does it make you think about? Is it trying to tell you something?
3. GET COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE. This feeling may be offering you thoughts you don’t wish to be thinking. It may be asking you to examine something unresolved. Can you remember what you were thinking right before the feeling? How did it feel to allow the emotion? What did you learn about yourself as a result of being willing to sit in the feeling? Does it want you to make a change or acknowledge something?

I want you to know that your feelings are you GPS. They are divine messengers of repressed desires and needs that are waiting to be witnessed.

The more you allow your feelings, the more adept you’ll become.  You’ll notice what needs to change in your life.

In the meantime, if you are feeling repeated emotions in a relationship such as confusion, resentment, sadness or pain, it’s time to start getting the tools to break free.

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass where we’ll uncover how to do just that!

You can find the link on the homepage.

Watch the video below for an explanation of the pretendiing personality pattern.

Just as your about to do that next big thing….

• Go for something new
• End something that’s not working anymore
• Take a chance
• Take a stand for something you believe in or
• Put yourself out there

The voice comes in, punches you in the gut, takes the wind out of your sails and asks, “Who the Hell do you think you are?”

What’s up with that voice and how do you shut it up?

How do you have relationships that don’t cause you anxiety, resentment, confusion or pain?

I’m Heidi, creator of Love Yourself First Empowerment School and the LYFE Movement, and I’ve dedicated my life to shutting that voice up so I could go on to having the life I knew deep down I deserved.

Now, It’s my purpose in life to help you root down your value, find your authentic power, and have the love and happiness you deserve.

There are 3 steps to transforming your relationships. If you want all 3, sign up for my upcoming free masterclass. You can find it at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com

The very first step is KNOWING YOURESELF.

Socrates said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.

Lao Tzu said, “Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.”

Over the past 20 years in going this work in recovery( from all things), self-love and relationships, I’ve come to believe that we are NOT who we truly are. We are who we’ve needed to be.

I’ve come up with 8 different personality patters we take on in order to thrive, survive, connect or cope in our family of origin. I call them APPS (Attachment personality patterns)

In this week’s teaching Tuesday, I go over the first 2.

Can you find yourself yet?

What do you notice?

How do you believe this pattern affects your life?

What do you see in yourself?

Leave your answers here, on the blog or in my private FB group called FLOW TRIBE.

Until next time,

Love Yourself,

Heidi

How do you get unstuck when you feel beaten down?

Let’s get real.

It’s hard to keep moving when you feel like you’re swimming in molasses. It’s even harder if you feel like you happen to be surrounded by idiots who don’t know how to support you.

I want to be as transparent as possible with you and share some of my struggles so you can know a few things.

1. You’re not alone.
2. There is a WAY out
3. If I can do it, by God, you can too.

So, I’m sharing a super easy 4 step process to get moving and claim the happiness you deserve on the other side.

Please leave me a comment, like or subscribe and let’s get more connected.

If I’ve been asked once, I’ve been asked a thousand times, “What’s the difference between therapy and coaching?”

It’s actually a tough question to answer being there are only so many ways you can draw a square.

But today, I sat down with my friend Meagan who happens to be a therapist to discuss the differences.

We also get into the uncertain future and what we believe therapists and coaches need to do right now to weather the storm.

In the interview, Meagan shares her recovery journey offering hope, insight and inspiration to those who are still struggling.

*STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT* I may have used the F bomb once or thrice when I got really excited talking about what bothers me most about the coaching industry. “Muff” if you must, but the content is right on!

If you’re a coach or a therapist, (or a healer, teacher, self development peddler) this is a must watch, so

enjoy!

And as always, we would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment.

 If you’re interested in becoming a Certified Empowerment Coach, then feel free to schedule a complimantary consultation on this site. 

Love Yourself, 

Heidi