When you’re afraid to feel your feelings…

This may sound silly at first. Who the Hell is afraid of their own emotions?

Well, here’s what I know for sure.

There are feelings you ALLOW yourself to feel and feelings you will avoid feeling at all costs.

I know this to be true form my own life, but it became even more apparent when I was a teacher at one of the world’s leading drug and alcohol treatment centers.

There, I wondered, why is it that we seek to be NUMB?

And what feelings are the scariest for us to feel?

I was afraid of my anger.

I thought that if I allowed myself to fully feel it, it would consume me.

I pictured myself a ball of rage, setting fire to innocent bystanders.

 I thought if I unleashed the sleeping dragon, I would eat everyone alive.

I had good reason to feel this way because I was full of repressed anger.

I’d been people pleasing for so long that I forgot how to speak my truth.

Many clients have told me over the years that anger is easier for them to feel. In fact, their go to emotion is anger. What they won’t allow is sadness.

Many have said that if they allow their sadness, they’d be afraid it would turn into a whirling tornado of quick sand, sucking the life out of them, drowning them in sorrow.

Maybe it’s not that dramatic.

Maybe you’re just a base line FINE. You don’t allow any real emotion to get too out of hand. You feel feelings, but live in sort of a glazed over denial that things are better than they are.

 If you looked at your life for real, you’d have to make change.  And rocking the boat seems too big a risk to take.

Here’s what I know now.

Just because you’re afraid to feel your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

In other words…you aren’t avoiding anything. You’re just making it worse.

It’s like a cancer you deny.

It festers.

It grows like a mushroom in the dark, covered in bullshit.

I remember when I decided to go alcohol free.

 I had a very hard time with allowing my feelings. However, it was if I couldn’t contain them.  They poured out of me at the most inopportune times.

I was embarrassed by my own tears and ashamed of my vulnerability.

And I could have done what our society values. I could have just continued to “suck it up”, or I could have “put my big girl panties on”.

But that’s not what happens. When we do that, what naturally follows is we over medicate. We end up binging on alcohol or food. We spend money we don’t have or we sleep too much.

We find ways to mitigate the feelings we refuse to feel in a lame attempt to shut them up. We drown them, stuff them down and buy them things.

There has to be a better way.

 I decided to investigate where that skewed thinking developed in. In my work, I discovered the root of this behavior, which is generational for sure.  And I ripped it up!

I can give you tips on how to manage your emotions. In fact, my husband is a master teacher of state management. And he has a program designed to help you develop your inner warrior.

But for the rest of us who have been in battle our entire lives and wish to take off our armor, may I suggest these 3 steps.

1. It’s time to GET QUIET and GET STILL. The next time you start to feel a feeling that seems uncomfortable for you I want you to stop in your tracks. Sit still. BE.
2. GET CURIOUS. Next I want you to ask the feeling some questions. Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Can it talk? What does it make you think about? Is it trying to tell you something?
3. GET COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE. This feeling may be offering you thoughts you don’t wish to be thinking. It may be asking you to examine something unresolved. Can you remember what you were thinking right before the feeling? How did it feel to allow the emotion? What did you learn about yourself as a result of being willing to sit in the feeling? Does it want you to make a change or acknowledge something?

I want you to know that your feelings are you GPS. They are divine messengers of repressed desires and needs that are waiting to be witnessed.

The more you allow your feelings, the more adept you’ll become.  You’ll notice what needs to change in your life.

In the meantime, if you are feeling repeated emotions in a relationship such as confusion, resentment, sadness or pain, it’s time to start getting the tools to break free.

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass where we’ll uncover how to do just that!

You can find the link on the homepage.

Watch the video below for an explanation of the pretendiing personality pattern.

Just as your about to do that next big thing….

• Go for something new
• End something that’s not working anymore
• Take a chance
• Take a stand for something you believe in or
• Put yourself out there

The voice comes in, punches you in the gut, takes the wind out of your sails and asks, “Who the Hell do you think you are?”

What’s up with that voice and how do you shut it up?

How do you have relationships that don’t cause you anxiety, resentment, confusion or pain?

I’m Heidi, creator of Love Yourself First Empowerment School and the LYFE Movement, and I’ve dedicated my life to shutting that voice up so I could go on to having the life I knew deep down I deserved.

Now, It’s my purpose in life to help you root down your value, find your authentic power, and have the love and happiness you deserve.

There are 3 steps to transforming your relationships. If you want all 3, sign up for my upcoming free masterclass. You can find it at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com

The very first step is KNOWING YOURESELF.

Socrates said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.

Lao Tzu said, “Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.”

Over the past 20 years in going this work in recovery( from all things), self-love and relationships, I’ve come to believe that we are NOT who we truly are. We are who we’ve needed to be.

I’ve come up with 8 different personality patters we take on in order to thrive, survive, connect or cope in our family of origin. I call them APPS (Attachment personality patterns)

In this week’s teaching Tuesday, I go over the first 2.

Can you find yourself yet?

What do you notice?

How do you believe this pattern affects your life?

What do you see in yourself?

Leave your answers here, on the blog or in my private FB group called FLOW TRIBE.

Until next time,

Love Yourself,

Heidi

How do you get unstuck when you feel beaten down?

Let’s get real.

It’s hard to keep moving when you feel like you’re swimming in molasses. It’s even harder if you feel like you happen to be surrounded by idiots who don’t know how to support you.

I want to be as transparent as possible with you and share some of my struggles so you can know a few things.

1. You’re not alone.
2. There is a WAY out
3. If I can do it, by God, you can too.

So, I’m sharing a super easy 4 step process to get moving and claim the happiness you deserve on the other side.

Please leave me a comment, like or subscribe and let’s get more connected.

If I’ve been asked once, I’ve been asked a thousand times, “What’s the difference between therapy and coaching?”

It’s actually a tough question to answer being there are only so many ways you can draw a square.

But today, I sat down with my friend Meagan who happens to be a therapist to discuss the differences.

We also get into the uncertain future and what we believe therapists and coaches need to do right now to weather the storm.

In the interview, Meagan shares her recovery journey offering hope, insight and inspiration to those who are still struggling.

*STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT* I may have used the F bomb once or thrice when I got really excited talking about what bothers me most about the coaching industry. “Muff” if you must, but the content is right on!

If you’re a coach or a therapist, (or a healer, teacher, self development peddler) this is a must watch, so

enjoy!

And as always, we would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment.

 If you’re interested in becoming a Certified Empowerment Coach, then feel free to schedule a complimantary consultation on this site. 

Love Yourself, 

Heidi

When you’re expected to be perfect, it’s easy to feel like a failure right now.

There’s no manual.

Judgement settles in. “Am I doing this right?” Surely not you decide as you start comparing yourself to everyone else.

Perfectionism and all or nothing thinking prevents you from having a healthy relationship with anything…. especially yourself.

When you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, you treat yourself like crap.

You feed yourself things that make you feel bad then beat yourself up about it.

You fill your mind with things that cause you anxiety and stress.

You continue to tolerate bad behavior from others around you and you neglect your needs and desires.

You deny your own feelings and in worst cases, drown them with alcohol to shut them up, stuff them down with food, buy them time with shopping, or any other number of maladaptive behaviors.

You’ll repress your righteous anger, blaming yourself, turn it inward where it morphs and become serious depression.

OR…

You use this time to repair your relationship with yourself and you commit to loving yourself better.

I can relate. And I have some keys I want to share with you. So, Watch the video now. I’ll share the wisdom that’s changed my life and the lives of the hundreds of people I’ve helped over the years.  

I was talking to one of my longtime best friends yesterday and I was telling her my schedule. Up at 5 am for alone time to reflect, create, film videos, etc. Wake Ellie up breakfast and walk the dogs before home school begins at 8:30. Lunch break for Ellie and work out for me.  Then Daddy takes over at 1 and I serve my clients. It all wraps up at 7  after 2 more hours of play time when dinner is served. I end the night with a bike ride while daddy does night time routine.

She paused and said, “Oh great! Now I feel like I’m reading an excerpt from Redbook written by mom of the month.

“Don’t be so impressed” I told her, it’s so I don’t have a homicide on my hands at the end of this a schedule keeps a dormant psychopath at bay.”

My natural state in a crisis is super scheduled or super self destructive. Those are my choices.

Either I  sleep in the darkness of the blackout blinds til I’m tired of sleeping. Wake up and eat pretzels dipped in cream cheese, binge watch something stupid wasting away the day.

Or I get busy.

And that got me thinking about how people function when the shit hits the fan within the system.

Originally, I came across the concept of family roles when I was studying the impact of alcoholism and addiction on the family over 20 years ago.

But as I have taught these concepts over the last several years, I understand they apply to any dysfunctional system from a corporation to a government to an unhealthy family.

When you’re trying to make something abnormal normal, like make a sick family function, people take on a role in the family to help it function.  

I know shining a light on these roles will be helpful, especially now, when you may begin to see yourself trying to cope with a “new normal”.

So, I present to you the 5 ways we cope in a toxic or dysfunctional system.

Watch the video now!

And if you’d like to schedule a consultation, reach out on this site. 

Love Yourself,

Heidi