Is There More Than One Road To Rome?

by | Sep 21, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, Feelings, Recovery

I love talking to people about getting better. But there was one question I would cringe at every time it was asked…

“Are you in recovery?”

I hated being asked that question mostly because I didn’t know what it meant. I thought that when people asked me that, they were essentially asking me if I went to AA.

I always had a hard time coming up with a suitable answer. I’d usually fumble out something like, “Ahhh, yes. But I don’t go to AA. I did my own thing.”

And then I’d wait for the look.

It was usually a confused look. And if it wasn’t confused, It was incredulous.

The truth is, I went to AA once. And I didn’t ever want to go back.

Maybe in another post I will describe why it didn’t line up with me.

But it didn’t. AND I still wanted to get better. I knew I had a problem. But there had to be more than one way to get better. I found that there weren’t a lot of alternatives.

So, that’s when I started my own sacred walk to wellness.

I’m so glad that I committed to getting better. And I’m even more grateful that THE LYF Program resulted from my own journey back to wholeness.

Watch this week’s video to hear my thoughts on the question, “What is recovery?”

Dysfunctional Relationships with Food, Alcohol or Drugs

by | Sep 9, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, Feelings, Low self esteem, Recovery

Hello lovely,
Sometimes it’s easy to tell you’re in a dysfunctional relationship. He’s treating you poorly. You are sick of the same old stuff.You see how you deserve more and you are sick of settling.
But when it comes to drugs, alcohol or food it can be pretty confusing.
Because the one thing that can be causing us pain can also be making us feel better at the same time.
I work with a lot of people who aren’t sure they’re an alcoholic. In fact, many of my clients don’t line up with that identity. They’d rather just put alcohol behind them, close the book and move on.
And sometimes, it can be hard to tell when it’s time to take action. We can get stuck wondering what to do.
I have made a sister video to my past one. This one is 5 surefire signs you are in a dysfunctional, codependent relationship with food, drugs or alcohol.
I hope you take some time to watch it if that resonates with you.
And if not, if you are already on your sacred walk to wellness, will you share it with someone who may be on the fence?
Early intervention is the ticket to having a happy life.
It’s like finding cancer quickly.
Let’s help as many people as possible.
Here’s the link to the video!

People Pleasing. When It’s Scary To Be Yourself

by | Aug 23, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, boundaries, codependency, Feelings, Low self esteem, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

It used to be really important to me to fit in. I didn’t want to share anything about myself that could potentially turn someone off.

I certainly didn’t want to talk about my eating disorder, or my binge drinking. I wanted to look like I had it together at all times.

But now, since I’ve healed, I’ve come a long way baby! Watch this video on people pleasing to learn more…

A Special Video for Moms and Wives of Addicts

by | Aug 15, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, boundaries, codependency, Feelings, Love, Relationships

Hello lovely,

Let me get right to the point…

WHEN YOU ask me questions about how to go about your relationship with the addict in your life….

I FEEL that I have great information for you

I WANT you to click on the video

So, IF YOU watch and implement the video

I WILL continue to be able to help you

And to the contrary,

WHEN YOU ask me questions about how to handle your addicted loved one

I FEEL like I have great answers for you

I WANT you to click on the video

IF YOU  don’t watch and apply the video, likely nothing will change

I WON’T be able to help you

Do I have any control over whether or not you watch this video? Of course not. All I can do is make the video, offer it to you and let go of the outcome.

But that’s easier said than done. Especially wheen there are so many feelings involved. So, this week’s video is a deeper dive into the boundary conversation. I hope you enjoy it!

Also, in the video, I made mention of the Online Family Program for families of addicts or alcoholics. You can find out more about that program here. https://onlinefamilyrecoveryprogram.mykajabi.com/p/online-family-program-landing

Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts. Have you set a boundary? How has it gone for you?

Pink Clouds: How to Stay Motivated to Make a Change

by | Aug 8, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, codependency, Feelings, Relationships

You know how it goes. You make a decision to take some massive action and suddenly you get a burst of motivation. You decide to lose the weight, leave the boyfriend, or get sober. And at first, it feels easy! It’s a no brainer! You’re not even craving that thing or person you left behind.

“Good Riddance!” You think.

It’s good to be free.

Except, have you ever broken up with a bad boyfriend, convinced it was the absolute right thing for you to do, only to find yourself a month later stalking his social media or asking friends if they’ve heard anything new? Maybe you even fantasize that you could go back in and test the waters? Kind of like an alcoholic who thinks maybe they’ll just try light beer.

Or, have you decided to drop 20 pounds ‘cause your SO DONE obsessing about your stomach so you blow off carbs like an industrial leaf blower in the dead of fall, only to find two weeks later you’re craving and caving. Someone pass the donuts, now dammit. Please.

Why does that happen?

Well, you’re not an emotional sadomasochist. You’re human.

And no matter how motivated you are to take action initially, the motivation will flee, fade, and lose it’s get up and go push.  Giving way to the “maybe just this once” mentality.

Here’s why.

People are only really motivated to do anything for two reasons. 1. To avoid pain. Or 2. To gain pleasure.

Most people are motivated by pain initially-That thing became so bad that you HAD to do something about it NOW.

But after time, that, what I call, PUSH of PAIN will lose its “ummmph”.

And that’s when you’ll promptly get off your so called pink cloud and succumb to the grey rain with the rest of us.

What the rest of us are doing is moving to phase two of staying motivated: finding our pleasure.

If you don’t find out WHY or what’s in it for you to keep going, you’ll stop when the hurt wears off.

How Do You Handle A Funk?

by | May 16, 2017 | Advice, binge drinking, Binge eating, Feelings, Love

I’ve been in a F.U.N.K…Fu**&ing Uncomfortable Not Knowing…What’s Wrong with Me?

When things are going great and we feel like a million bucks, no one stops dead in their tracks and goes… “Wait a minute. What’s wrong with me?”

We’re just expecting to feel good. But as soon as a funk comes to town, our world stops and we ponder our problem day and night. As if it’s not normal to feel bad.

So, perplexed at what could potentially be happening, we simply say “I’m in a funk.”

That’s where I’ve been. Feeling sad, pissed, irritated, anxious, and bored. Wanting to eat everything not nailed down, but remembering I’m managing an eating disorder. So, binging to feel better is out of the question because I know it only makes me feel twice as bad.

Coping this week involved…..

Who am I kidding? Sometimes when I get in a funk I don’t want to anything. Including the things that help me cope. Still, I’m trying not to be the mood police. Mostly because I hate when other people do that to me. “Are you ok?” “What’s wrong with you?”

I used to get that all of the time. And mostly because I walked around with a forced perma-smile on my face and just beneath that was a little forced cheerleader like., “A is for awesome, awesome, awesome, are we!”

But I’m not awesome. I’m in a funk.

I remember a day when I couldn’t identify any feelings other than rageful, devastated, embarrassed, or shameful.

Because in the past when I was feeling like this, I did things to hurt myself further.

When I felt sad or anxious, I drank or ate. And then, I felt shame and regret on top of sadness or anxiety.

These days, I don’t run to French fries, Chinese, or wine. I run to self–compassion and patience. But let’s get real…those things seem to take longer.

But only in the short term. In the long run, running to destructive methods to feel better only ever made me feel worse.

Still, the seeker of immediate gratification in me wants to feel better RIGHT NOW!

I have videos to make. People to help, a toddler to play with, and a husband to connect with.

But none of those things are getting done the way I’d like them to be done right now.

But guess what? That’s ok.

Yes! I said it…that’s fucking ok.

Part of the reason it takes longer to come out of the funk is the judgement about being in the funk in the first place.

So, I practice radical acceptance.

I’m in a funk. OK. That’s OK that I’m in a funk! I don’t have to hide it, or fix it right the hell now.

I can just be in a funk. And guess what….

I didn’t post a video last week and no one died.

I didn’t play with as much enthusiasm as I wanted to. And Ellie didn’t bat an eye.

I didn’t connect with my husband the way I wanted to, but I told him what was up and that connected us in another way.

I have to be willing to allow and accept feelings. And that means all of them.

The tide comes in and the tide goes out.

The seasons change.

And so do my moods. Do I think I’m somehow going to be the only living being in the world that doesn’t experience shifts or changes or follows the rules of the Universe?

Acceptance.

Patience.

This too shall pass. And when it does, it will increase my gratitude for when I truly feel AWESOME.

I love to see your comments, so please leave me one!

Love you!

Heidi