Jenny came to the workshop because she was having problems socially. She said she felt awkward meeting men. As men would approach her, her heart would race and her mind would take over saying things like, “They’re gonna think you’re weird.”, “They think you’re ugly. You’re hair looks dumb”, and, “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

When her mind went to the last thought, that was usually when she decided to forget it, turnaround, and walk out.

So, I asked Jenny to come to the front of the class. She stood there, clutching her arms and scratching them. She bit her lip and rocked a little back and forth.

Then, I asked her to pick out five people in the room whom she didn’t know.

At this point, she started to sweat a little bit. But she continued on because by this point in the weekend, she trusted me.

After Jenny chose the people and they joined us at the front of the class, I turned to Jenny. “Pick the one you know the least  and get to know him.”

Jenny looked at him and looked back at me…”ummm. Like what about him?”

Anything!” I answered.

“What’s your name?”

“Rob.”

“Where are you from?” She asked sheepishly

“Chicago.”

“This is dumb”, she frowned.

“Keep going” I encouraged.

“So, ummmm,yea…….Rob…… tell me what brought you here for this workshop?”.

“I have been unhappy in my love life for a very long time.I always felt like something was missing. I had a bad breakup recently and I thought she was the one. I am having trouble moving on.  And finally, one day, I was just over being alone and I decided that was it! I was going to figure out why I’m alone once and for all. I deserve to be happy! And I want to spend my life with someone”

We all eagerly looked to Jenny and she said………………………….

“Is it really as cold in Chicago as they say?”

I interrupted the exchange and turned to Jenny. “Listen to me. You want to be liked? What makes people like you isn’t really about you. People like you because of how you make them feel about themselves when they’re around you. You’re preoccupied with how YOU look to him. About what YOU will say when he is done speaking, about how YOU’RE standing, and how YOU’RE hair looks while YOU’RE talking to him.

And all you really want to do is connect.

You can’t connect with him when you’re too busy connecting with yourself. He told you his life story. He got vulnerable and open, he shared his desires, and you replied, “Is it really as cold as they say up in Chicago.”

You have to get out of your head and get into other people’s hearts if you want to connect. It isn’t about YOU.

I have to remind myself sometimes. Because I too suffer from feeing awkward. I have to remember that it isn’t about me. Connecting is about getting outside of yourself.

How about you? Do you ever feel socially awkward? What do you do?

With so much love and a little splash of awkward,

Heidi